Nate Says: Why So Serious?

Movie Review: Cowboys & Aliens

Cowboys & Aliens & Indians, oh my!

Cowboys & Indians Aliens (+Indians) is a unique look at the economic turmoil facing a small mining town in the Wild West afflicted by intergalactic capitalism.

I liked the parts with excessive amounts of dialogue between the Cowboys & Indians, because everything had to be spoken out loud both ways. It gave me an unexpected opportunity to almost learn how to speak Indian.

So, the Aliens are after gold. And I guess it was because they’re all 12 foot tall, somehow cramming into and cruising around in what must be the Mazda Miatas of spacecrafts (they were too small to fit a human child as a driver and had like nooooo backseat). I’m thinking that’s no way for an advanced civilization to live so that makes sense.

Cowboys & Aliens Mazda Miata of Spaceships

Feelings I felt included all action-related emotions, with a 30% chance at laughter.

Key take-aways from this historic event:

  • They had to sky-hogtie people and take them back to the mothership so they could “study our weaknesses”. Apparently the fact they can fly and shoot unlimited plasma bombs isn’t good enough for them.
  • Speaking of plasma bombs, no matter how advanced alien civilizations are, target-assist seems to be pretty low on the weapons-feature list. Half the movie was focused on Doc not being able to shoot a glass bottle at 15 feet, but I gotta believe the aliens were way worse.
  • Aliens are inherently violent. They seemed to be mining gold pretty well without us knowing about it, but they just couldn’t let the super-advanced conveniently human-sized surgical tables go to waste.
  • Economy-sized vehicles will always be an option.

All in all, this movie made me feel comfortable that I could survive an alien invasion (chances increase dramatically with a holographic silly-band from the mothership), and make friends with Indians, but I would probably get killed in the Wild West for making fun of a cowboy’s leather chaps.

 

Spoiler Alert

Cowboys & Aliens - Olivia Wildebeest

Olivia Wildebeest - In beast mode.

I feel bad for the minorities in this movie. The Cowboys were really just kind of “there”, and none of this would’ve gone to plan without the supporting cast. If we’re going to compartmentalize the humans, it was really:

Cowboys & Indians & Bandits & Aliens

But if we’re going to be intergalactically politically correct, we need to recognize it was actually:

Cowboys & Indians & Bandits & We-Still-Don’t-Really-Know-What-the-Crap-She-Was….. & Aliens.

And still, these are in no particular order.

I guess Cowboys just win, man. I have a feeling they screwed the Indians out of the gold in the end too.

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