I AM HUMBLED TO BE IN YOUR PRESENCE AS YOU WATCH THE BIGGEST INTERNET MARKETING SECRET SINCE KEYWORD STUFFING BE REVEALED RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF THIS SECOND-LONGEST HEADLINE IN THE HISTORY OF SALES COPY!!!
NOW WITH 50% LESS HYPE!!* The NATHAN CHEELEY’S MAGIC PUSH BUTTON™ is taking the Internet Marketing world by STORM!!! And you can too, eventually, after I tell you how awesome I am.
Dear New Best Friend Forever,
We’ve been inseparably close for at least 30 seconds or so now and I feel guilty holding back my BIGGEST money-saving $ecret from you all this time. Normally I don’t ever, ever, EVEREVEREVER reveal common sense this useful to people so thoughtless, but you’ve proven yourself worthy of abuse by struggling through that enormous headline up there so if my instincts are right, you MIGHT BE DESERVING of knowing the closest guarded secret to my financial success online.
BFF, listen to me. I’m willing to show you a graphical representation right now that will forever change the way you think about making money online. I could explain it to you but I’ll just let the graph speak for itself:
YUP!! That’s a real graph created from real statistics. And because it worked for me that one time, it will work EVERY TIME for you. Now, rather than HOG all the button-pushing success for myself (after all, I only have ten fingers to push with) I decided to anoint you with the blessing of my rock-solid strategy for OVERNIGHT SUCCESS! I’m talking getting in bed with an over-used, never washed, completely empty pillow case and waking up with an over-flowing SACK OF GOLD BULLION under your head. Does this sound unrealistic? Then how do you explain THIS:
This happens literally EVERY DAY for the rest of your life. Now BFF, I want you to ask yourself this question when you have some time to think about it: “What would I pay for this level of awesome?” Don’t get too hung up on actually answering this because inevitably your ego will tell you to stop at nothing so let’s just cut to the chase and let me insult your intelligence a little further before I blow your freaking mind.
First, I want you to understand something BFF. I understand credibility goes a long way. So “TIME OUT” for a minute, I want to be honest with you. This is serious pillow talk so get in your jammies, grab a tub of ice cream and LISTEN. I was once desperate, almost broke, fairly unethical, and mostly useless – just like you! But since then I’ve attended many online universities, illegally downloaded countless eBooks, and even read an article in Entrepreneur magazine one time when I went to the dentist.
If it wasn’t for the hard times, I probably wouldn’t share this with you but what I’m saying BFF is I totally understand everything you could have possibly experienced in your life to bring you here to this point, so I certainly have the answer for whatever it is you’re looking for RIGHT NOW. If that’s not enough, I have rigorously tested this method for YEARS and at least 3,561 other people have had DRUG-INDUCED-LIKE RESULTS (you can too!). It’s like performance enhancers for your bank account! The best part is, you will be the first ever to get your hands on this.
If you’re still uneasy, let me swoon you with a completely unsolicited testimonial from one of my favorite clients I’ve never met before and he totally surprised me with this story out of the blue and I totally didn’t see it coming from a mile away it’s unbelievable PROOF because I had no idea this would happen and if it did that I would ever hear about it!
BY NOW YOU’RE PROBABLY BEGGING ME, “HOW DOES THIS WORK?!?!” AND NOW I GO, “OKAY, YOU ASKED FOR IT,” AND I TELL YOU
With Nathan Cheeley’s Magic Push Button™, saving STACKS OF GREENBACKS (just like the ones on top of the unsolicited testimonial) is fool-proof. I will give you this system at my lowest ever BFF-ONLY PRICING with no strings attached, no opt-in required and you can even give it to others without telling me. All this amounts to approximately:
This offer actually expired just moments ago, but since you JUST MISSED IT, I’m willing to extend this offer RIGHT NOW, but ONLY for as long as it takes you to click the “BUY NOW” button. SO HURRY!!!! Or you might come back and find you’ve missed it by just a few short moments yet again!!!! Now in the next few moments we have left, I am going to violently disassemble my last shred of dignity with this:
While you were reading that, I was crunching some numbers. So far TODAY, I have saved exactly**:
Do you have that kind of money to throw away? Unless you’re me, a wildly successful con-man in the online land of lawlessness, I expect your answer to be UNEQUIVOCALLY ABSOLUTELY CERTAINLY NOT! BFF, today is the last day of throwing this kind of money away. I’ve earned your trust. You deserve to be humiliated. Now is the time:
My exclusive hand-drawn ORDER NOW button is my last reminder to you of my thoughtfulness in giving you this brilliant chance at success. Remember, every day you don’t have this, is another day I’m richer than you.
P.S. - This part here is where I take one last open-handed swat at your jugular. You’re nothing right now. You’ll never be anything unless you click my exclusive and thoughtful hand-drawn ORDER NOW button.
P.P.S. - Tough guy, eh? I swear to you I will track you down by your IP address if you’re leaving empty-handed and forcibly hand you this in person. If you value your privacy, you know where to click.
*Exclamation and CAPS LOCK density has been reduced by a cumulative 30% and all red H1 tags have had their hue reduced by 20%.
**Savings based on reading one website’s sales-copy per hour and always purchasing with an average cost of $2,000 up-front and recurring costs of $197 per month for an average 80-year life span.